"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Live With Intensity

So depending on how you put it it's either way too late or much too early for someone to be awake when they have a full day planned out. However, my sleepless rainy June night has brought me back to my blog covered in dust. I'd love to write that I've had some magical adventure in a beautiful foreign country, fell in love there with a guy driving a motorcycle, and practiced yoga daily for the past five months. If I could I'd use that as an excuse as to why I haven't blogged, I definately would. But the truth is I've been avoiding life for the most part. On the semi-bright side, it's my first week out of hibernation. Thoughts, feelings, and more importantly dreams for my future have been flooding in and as for tonight I feel like I'm drowning in them. I'm ready for a big change, and for once I actually know what that change will be, now I'm searching for the courage to go for it. Here's a quote out of this amazing book I've been reading, "The Greatness Guide: 101 Lessons for Success and Happiness." I also call it my daily dose of inspiration and my driving force out of hiding.

"I like my music loud, my coffee strong and my dreams huge. I like days with color, people with passion and conversations that call out the best within me. I want to live like there's no tomorrow, achieve the best within me, and love the people in my life like I really mean it. I want to do my part to elevate our world. I want to live with intensity.

What a beautiful word: intensity. Live a high-volume life. Play full-out. Take risks. Reach high. Don't look back. Be authentic. Be great.

"Live to the point of tears."

Sure we need to enjoy the journey, tread lightly and balance our courage with striking kindness. But do it all with rare passion, with bravery and with a sparkle in your eye. Do it all with intensity. All of the great ones do."

xo Simone

Things Just Feel Different Somehow?

So yes I know, I've basically dropped off the planet for the month of January. And its true, I've been completely immersed in my gaming fantasy world full of Aion, Vern's Pizza, and fizzy beverages (all of which I didn't indulge in before mind you.) However, full of doubts, anxieties, and frustration, this just gave me a way to forget about it for a month, if you could call that forgetting about it. Maybe I'm rambling, but the moral of my story is I can't just sit around waiting for the life of my dreams to come knocking on my door, and be like hey you!! hop on board, its smooth sailing from here!! Its not gonna happen, well, maybe when elephants fly. But someone made me realize that all my dreams are within my grasp, all I've gotta do is reach out and grab them. No one said it was going to be easy, but they promised it would be worth it! Do you wanna just sit around waiting until you've gotten 1 year older, 5 years older, 10 years older, 50 years older just to realize that you missed out on so much? Or do you want to live life to the fullest every step of the way, and realize that even when you failed at some things, you gained something from everything, so technically there is no such thing as failure, only growth. So I got my ass to the grind, and I cleaned my bedroom at 2am instead of playing computer games, thus, check mark!! I'm on the right path ;)

Love always,
Simone
-xoxo-

If You Really Knew Me...,

Well I got to thinking, perhaps it would be interesting to make a list of things that probably no one really knows about me. It definitely was not an easy thing to do, but here it is!

• If you really knew me, you would know that I have severe anxiety I struggle with every day.
  
• If you really knew me, you would know that I am a perfectionist. This makes life very difficult sometimes. I put super-high expectations on myself and get mad if certain things I do are only mediocre. It's kind of an all or none response, if I can't put in 110%, I put in 0%. It drives me crazy.
  
• If you really knew me, you would know that I still miss my Gramma every day. She passed away 7 years ago on Friday, December 13th. Since it happened, I've always tried to convince myself I'm a strong person that needs to be composed and hold it together. I think this is why I just can't let her go. Every Friday the 13th when people mention it I cringe inside, but you'd never know.
  
• If you really knew me, you would know that I have to fight with myself to brush & floss my teeth at night.
  
• If you really knew me, you would know that I find it very difficult to concentrate on one focus at a time. My minds always scattered and I wish it would sit still once in a while, maybe I'd get something done.
  
• If you really knew me, you would know that I am self-conscious. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. This is a hard one to admit..... I have always felt like the one with so much potential but can never live up to it. I have an abundance of blessings in my life but my lack of self-love keeps me from being truly grateful and living life to the fullest.
  
• If you really knew me, you would know that I am the queen of distraction. I distract myself from the things that really matter to me, I think I'm afraid of being happy.
• If you really knew me, you would know that I wonder what life would be like had I been born somewhere else on a regular basis.
• If you really knew me, you would know that one of the reasons I haven't accomplished many of my goals is fear. I am so scared of decisions, especially the big ones. Fear is a big thing for me. Not just the fear of success, but the fear of failing, fear of knowing if that is the right decision, fear of the unknown, fear of judgment.... I hate fear.
• If you really knew me, you would know that I cannot stand snoring, unless I fall asleep first, then I'm out like a ton of bricks.
• If you really knew me, you would know that spring/fall is my favorite time of year. I love the colors and the weather and everything about it. I can sit in my living room, with the blinds open and the windows cracked and just thank God!
• If you really knew me, you would know that I wish I wasn't who I am. I question my strongest beliefs and values on a regular basis. Most of the time I wish I could just be "normal" for once, have "normal" aspirations/goals, but then I get to thinking what is "normal"?
• If you really knew me, you would know that I smoked for 2 years.
  
• If you really knew me, you would know that I wish I had lived when my grandparents or great grandparents grew up. Times seemed so much simpler then. I feel like people valued family, manners, hard work and less material things back then. I wish I could have experienced the times I hear them talk about. Even if it meant living without all of the "luxuries" we have today.
• If you really knew me, you would know that I would be insane without my best friend, she keeps me grounded when no one else can.
• If you really knew me, you would know that I wish I could find a boy that I loved and that loved me back. I know he's out there somewhere. I like to think he's halfway across the world and I haven't quite found him yet. But I look at the moon some nights and wonder if hes doing the same wherever he is.
  
• If you really knew me, you would know that I am a hopeless romantic deep down inside, I would never admit to it though. (Well until now, I seem to be admitting to everything so... what the hey!)
  
• If you really knew me, you would know that I've struggled to overcome addiction since I was 16. I think it all stemmed from my broken self-image and weak self-esteem.
• If you really knew me, you would know that I had someone in my life I considered a sister even though we weren't related. I trusted her with my life. She turned on me, left me alone, betrayed me, used me, and scared me. I question wither I will ever be able to trust the same way anymore.
  
• If you really knew me, you would know that I have so many places I would like to visit- Oregon, India, Ireland, Indonesia, Egypt, London, Paris, Italy, Greece, Brazil, Panama..... I'm gonna need to accumulate a ton of vacation savings! (or just win the lottery... if only I actually bought tickets!)

To Be Continued... (I'll keep adding to it when it isn't 4am and I have less than 3 hrs of sleep...)

Its A New Year, Its A New Day, Its A New Dawn

So it looks like its 2010 already! Wow time flies when your having fun doesn't it? This year is going to be the best year of my life, I've decided. And once I decide something, let me tell you something, you betcha its gonna happen! Therefore, my new years resolution is something that totally spontaneous, definitely out of the ordinary for me, and filled with childlike wonder.

It is to be totally immersed in happyness, self-love, and living life to the fullest.

This year I will blog about my journey of transformation, the rewriting of my story! In the past I've allowed stress, anxiety, guilt, negativity, and regret to linger in my day-to-day world, but not anymore folks! This year I'm allow myself to do what I love, and love what I do. I'm choosing to accept myself for who I am in the present moment and love myself just as I am. I am making a conscious effort to create lasting memories, friendships, and achievements to be proud of. I'm not holding back. I've quit setting harsh goals that feel unattainable or unsustainable, and began setting goals that inspire me without stress while keeping self-love in mind. I will achieve those goals! I'm going to travel. I'm allowing myself to truly enjoy life. I'm going to meet new people, have new experiences, try new things, and commit to having the best day every day!

So there it is, my new years "resolution." Its more of a common sense that has become not so common strategy to allowing myself to live, love, and laugh.

Blessings,
Simone Cherie
xoxo