- If you really knew me, you would know that I have severe anxiety I struggle with every day.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I am a perfectionist. This makes life very difficult sometimes. I put super-high expectations on myself and get mad if certain things I do are only mediocre. It's kind of an all or none response, if I can't put in 110%, I put in 0%. It drives me crazy.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I still miss my Gramma every day. She passed away 7 years ago on Friday, December 13th. Since it happened, I've always tried to convince myself I'm a strong person that needs to be composed and hold it together. I think this is why I just can't let her go. Every Friday the 13th when people mention it I cringe inside, but you'd never know.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I have to fight with myself to brush & floss my teeth at night.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I find it very difficult to concentrate on one focus at a time. My minds always scattered and I wish it would sit still once in a while, maybe I'd get something done.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I am self-conscious. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. This is a hard one to admit..... I have always felt like the one with so much potential but can never live up to it. I have an abundance of blessings in my life but my lack of self-love keeps me from being truly grateful and living life to the fullest.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I am the queen of distraction. I distract myself from the things that really matter to me, I think I'm afraid of being happy.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I wonder what life would be like had I been born somewhere else on a regular basis.
- If you really knew me, you would know that one of the reasons I haven't accomplished many of my goals is fear. I am so scared of decisions, especially the big ones. Fear is a big thing for me. Not just the fear of success, but the fear of failing, fear of knowing if that is the right decision, fear of the unknown, fear of judgment.... I hate fear.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I cannot stand snoring, unless I fall asleep first, then I'm out like a ton of bricks.
- If you really knew me, you would know that spring/fall is my favorite time of year. I love the colors and the weather and everything about it. I can sit in my living room, with the blinds open and the windows cracked and just thank God!
- If you really knew me, you would know that I wish I wasn't who I am. I question my strongest beliefs and values on a regular basis. Most of the time I wish I could just be "normal" for once, have "normal" aspirations/goals, but then I get to thinking what is "normal"?
- If you really knew me, you would know that I smoked for 2 years.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I wish I had lived when my grandparents or great grandparents grew up. Times seemed so much simpler then. I feel like people valued family, manners, hard work and less material things back then. I wish I could have experienced the times I hear them talk about. Even if it meant living without all of the "luxuries" we have today.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I would be insane without my best friend, she keeps me grounded when no one else can.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I wish I could find a boy that I loved and that loved me back. I know he's out there somewhere. I like to think he's halfway across the world and I haven't quite found him yet. But I look at the moon some nights and wonder if hes doing the same wherever he is.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I am a hopeless romantic deep down inside, I would never admit to it though. (Well until now, I seem to be admitting to everything so... what the hey!)
- If you really knew me, you would know that I've struggled to overcome addiction since I was 16. I think it all stemmed from my broken self-image and weak self-esteem.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I had someone in my life I considered a sister even though we weren't related. I trusted her with my life. She turned on me, left me alone, betrayed me, used me, and scared me. I question wither I will ever be able to trust the same way anymore.
- If you really knew me, you would know that I have so many places I would like to visit- Oregon, India, Ireland, Indonesia, Egypt, London, Paris, Italy, Greece, Brazil, Panama..... I'm gonna need to accumulate a ton of vacation savings! (or just win the lottery... if only I actually bought tickets!)
To Be Continued... (I'll keep adding to it when it isn't 4am and I have less than 3 hrs of sleep...)
